So last Saturday I was eating some (microwave) lasagna. I took it out of the microwave, set it down, and used my fork to section it into a grid of small pieces I could scoop up and eat.
Now apparently I didn’t wait long enough before I started to eat. I got the first piece on my fork, a nice solid chunk of lasagna, blew on it a little, and then proceeded to eat it.
But very little eating occurred. As it sat it my mouth, the heat it transmitted was immense. The piece of lasagna was too big to move around in my mouth to cool it down. I wasn’t going to spit it out either, that’s a cop out move. I was hungry and I was going to eat this piece of lasagna,
I also couldn’t do the patented method of the reverse blow by sucking in air and trying to circulate it around in my mouth because the lasagna occupied to much space.
Eventually, after what felt like a minute (it was probably more like 20 seconds or maybe even 30), it was cool enough for me to chew and swallow.
This was only the beginning of my problems. Now I had burned the roof of my mouth and you don’t realize how bad this is until you try to eat again. Also, since this was my own fault and I made (microwaved) the food, I can’t even sue like Kramer in Seinfeld.
Every meal from then on was a real chore. I ate a muffin, a nice soft, chewy muffin, and it hurt like a hell. A muffin!
Dumbass me also ate chips too. Sharp shards of fried potatoes with salt is not the best choice. Hurt worse than the muffin. I did eat them all though. Yogurt was the lone food I could tolerate. It was like soothing aloe to a sunburn. But you can’t eat yogurt all day unless your that lady from Glee and have a hard time taking a dump regularly.
Anyway, it’s been almost a week and I’m almost fully recovered. This wasn’t the worst mouth burning in my life though.
2009, New York City. Famous Original Rays or Famous Rays or Original Rays, one of those places. Got a punch of pizza on a Friday night, the first night of a weekend Friday to Sunday trip. Burned my mouth. All the fine cuisine of New York was spoiled thanks to my sore mouth roof (does that make sense? mouth roof? It’s easier to say than roof of mouth all the time so I’m going to stick with it, mouth roof).
To all of those out there who are going to eat hot foods, just let it cool man, let it cool.